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FUNNY EMAIL

People send all sorts of inquiries and comments to HHJPL.

Some share a thought about the website. Many say thanks for the images. Others are simply befuddling. But all are appreciated.

In the spirit of fun, here's a sampling. In accordance with HHJPL's strict privacy policy, however, all senders shall remain anonymous.

*** Some emails have been edited for clarity or length but not for grammar or spelling. All emails are edited to protect sender privacy. ***

I am interested in obtaining one of your shofars, can you please send me a catalogue and prices of whats available,

Thanking you

Shofar, So Good

South Africa

Could you please enlighten me on your pricing structure for young Brahman bulls. What is the earliest age at which you start selling them and how far are you from Bulawayo?

No Bull

"Bullawayo", Zimbabwe

Hi, I'm trying to track down my great grandfathers burial documents to apply for Lithuanian citizenship. Who can help me do that?

Grandpa's Burial Docs

Dreaming of, Lithuania

My name is Savvy Davvy. I am helping SOME GUY of Regalia Supplies - Durban, whilst he in indisposed due to a car accident. He has an order of 150 collarettes which I thinks was ordered by your organisation, if this is correct please contact me urgently as this order is ready for me to deliver, I also need a delivery address, Regards DAV ZAV.

150...what?

Durban, South Africa

Dear People, You may consider this a strange request, however I have had absolute Up-Hill trying to buy a pack of Matzo Meal. I now live in Mossel Bay and have been unable to find any source of the product. We have a big Pick n Pay Supermarket at Langeberg here in Mossel Bay, but they tell me "it is discontinued' ! Can you help me with a shop that sells the meal. I want to make Matzo Balls for my soup. Thank you, Regards, E.

Lotzoh Matzoh Meal

Mossel Bay, South Africa

I would like to Visit my friend['s] gravesite while on an upcoming cruise. Could give me an address where he is buried? Thank you so much.

Grave. Site.

Florida, USA

Please contact me regarding the angelic scroll as i bought it and rebinding it and would like to know the origins as i believe it originates from hebrew or jewish my no 123456789

Hebrew or Jewish?

Somewhere-Over-The-Angelic-Rainbow

Hi - my husband and I will be in Botswana for Pesach next month. we are arriving from Israel. Is there a kosher seder we can join? THank you!

Next Month in Botswana

Israel

Me and my sister E.S. would like to obtain Certificates of Jewishness from the beth Din For Aliya.

I have Unabridged birth Certificates for both of us and our mothers original Ketubah (From Berea shul). Please email me 2 sets of relevant forms and a list of requirements Thanks
Dr S J S

Certificates of Jewishness

Somewhere, South Africa

Is there a data base to search for those buried here? I'm searching for a relative who emigrated to Melbourne, probably dies mid 10th century. Any recommendations on where to look are welcome.

Where is Here?

Very Down Under

Good day. My child is currently doing a school project specifically about the Barmitswa in Jewish faith and I wondered if there might be resources available for classroom use, eg talit, tefla, head cover and anything else that you are aware of what makes the event very special. Look forward to hearing from you. Thank you in advance. (Google translation from Afrikaans.)

School Project

South Africa

Inquiry
Dear Sir/Madam

Hope I find you well. I would like to know if you take Nurse aides on attachment or you only take qualified nurse aides. Thank you in advance for your assistance. 

Yours Truly

A.M

Nurse Aides

South Africa

I am looking for information about Mr. Ernst Hamm, died in 1947. He was living in Mombasa at the time. Thank you, Y. Manner

Died While Living

Location Unknown

Can I order 2kgs fried fish for today?

Something's Fishy

Location Unknown

Hi! I want to buy GIA diamonds in namibia. I live in VietNam.

Can you let me have the price of your diamond. 

Thanks

Diamonds are Forever

Vietnam

I am living in Australia and am making a trip to the States in July. My parents are buried in the Jewish cemetery in Santa Rosa, near San Francisco, and I want to go and visit their graves. I think the address of the cemetery in Santa Rosa is Franklyn Street, but need your help to confirm this information that I have. 

 

Their names are [Mother] (1987) and [Father] (2002).

 

I would really appreciate your help in this matter as I was not at their funerals and this visit for me is the closure that I need.

 

I look forward to hearing from you and any available photos would be great.

I Left My Parents in San Francisco

Australia

My name is Dr [Know]. I live in Atlanta, Ga. I have been searching for my friend and college mate. We attended Bowling Green State University between 1969 and 73. We lost touch. Please could you contact him so he may get in touch. He could reach me by phone. ???-???-????

Long Lost Friend

Atlanta, Georgia, USA

Good afternoon, I wanted to know if you can send me the Directive Committee, Thank you very much.

Directive Committee

Location Unknown

Hi, I'm visiting Stellenbosch [South Africa] with a group of 20 Jewish women and we've just learned of the synagogue here. Is it possible to visit in the late afternoon tomorrow , perhaps after the shops close? We would love to see it!

After the Shops Have Closed

South Africa

I hope this will find you well.

 

We are expecting an elderly Orthodox Jewish couple in the last week of July or first week in August. They will be going on safari and will be visiting Fort Portal, Kasese, Mbarara and Kampala but would like visit any of the Jewish communities that might be in found in these areas. They would also like to attend any of your prayer services if possible.

 

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Uganda Services

Kampala, Uganda

Good morning

My name is Anon Sender and I live in Texas. My mother passed away October 28,2012 and it was her wish to have her ashes buried with her mother. I believe this is the cemetery where my grandmother and uncle are buried. I plan to bring her to Israel in May and I need to know what I would need to fulfill my mother’s wishes. I hope you can help. My mother is from Morocco and was a Sephardic Jewish woman.

Ashes to Ashes

Canyon Lake, Texas, USA

Hai there am was soo pleased to see all that u have done and what u have written about the jewish culture. My name is susan and I am the daughter of one of the gews that once lived and worked for mr galaun in the 1980s, I have been looking for my biological father who I was told his name was mr Aaron kama tho am not sure of the spelling I have never meet him and neither does he know he left a child am now 32 years old and this is really eating me up. Please if u can help me find him I would greatly aporiciate. Im waiting to hear from you soon. Thank you.

Looking For My Biological Father

Location Unknown

Shalom. greetings, i would like to find out. im interested a lot in learning about Judaism im involved in various projects in support of Israel and the Jewish people. i would like to find out do you conduct any of your services in English as my Hebrew is still at low level.

i would really appreciate your response.

Shalom

Am Yisrael Chai.

Am Yisrael Chai

Israel

Hi, I am seeking an audience with Mr Stephen Henriques to discuss a documentary on The Jewish Community in Jamaica. He can call me on 543210 [sans country code].

Yo mon!

Jamaica mon!

Shalom  Rabbi 

I am from south Africa. am not a practicing Jewish person but i would love to learn more about the Torah. I searched the internet and i found  a synagogue in Krugersdorp South Africa. 

Do you think they can allow me to attend to Torah teachings.

Shalom Rabbi

South Africa

Hello, Can you tell me if Paul D'Oyen Fitchett is still well and living in Jamaica? Other former students of his mother,the late Roma Presano at Meadowbrook High School in Kingston,Jamaica, and myself,would like to know.

Forgive this intrusion.

Is Paul Still Alive?

Location Unknown

Please can my husband and I see the synagogues at the Chinese Bazaar in Kalkutta.  We are here on holiday from the UK and made it to Synagogue  Street on foot from here but no one knew where you were! We really tried and looked down every little alley way but had to give up.

 

We are staying at the Oberoi Grand Hotel however tomorrow, on Friday, we are going on a boat trip for a week down the Hoogley river.  We will be back at this hotel next Friday lunchtime  28th March but will leave first thing on 29th.  So, if it is possible, can someone show us on or both of the Synagogues pm on 28th?

 

Thank you so much

 

P.s.  There is some wifi on the boat but it is intermittent so, if you leave a message it might take a while to reply.  You can try my mobile which will cost a bit - but here it is - you could text if you want to leave a message 07870 ??????.

Where are You?

United Kingdom

I'm looking for my grandfather's grave.

Grandpa!

Toronto, Canada

GOOD MORNING, MY NAME IS Anon Sender. MY GRANDMOTHER HAS BEEN BURIED IN CUBA SINCE 1955. I AM NOT SURE WHICH CEMENTARY. I HAVE A PICTURE OF HER HEADSTONE. AND HER PICTURE IS ON THE STONE. I WOUL LIKE TO KNOW IF I CAN SEND YOU ANY MONEY TO CLEAN THE STONE, SINCE I WAS BORN IN CUBA, AND LEFT IN 1960, AND NEVER BEEN BACK.

MY MOTHER, MY GRANDMOTHER’S DAUGHTHER JUST PASSED TWO YEARS AGO.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU CAN HELP, AND LOCATE WHERE SHE IS, SO THAT I CAN GO SEE HER AS SOON AS I CAN RETURN TO CUBA.

Tidy Up

Miami, Florida, USA

Shalom:  My fiancee and I would like to spend our honeymoon in Panama in late March.  Can you advise us on moderately priced accommodations close to a synagogue and Kosher restaurants.  if you know of a good guide we would be very appreciative of your assistance.  We are particularly interested in the rain forest.  Thank you so much for your help.  Shalom ubracha

Honeymoon in Panama

Location Unknown

Hi. My mom saw the pictures from tidili [Morocco] on your website. She is interested to know things about this place because her family is from tidili.

Tidili dee Tidili doo

Location Unknown

Respected Ravi,

I am interested to attend your "Synagogue" > If it is it possible kindly inform me the time & others I may attend there. I believe you shall co operate with me. I live in "Kolkata /India". Waiting for early reply. 

Respected Ravi

Kolkata, India

We visiting the Grand Choral Synagogue while in St. Petersburg a few weeks ago

as part of a Jewish Heritage Tour from our ship the Mariana/Oceania cruise line.

I bought some small.. colorful dreidels at the gift shop IN the synagogue and was

wondering if I could purchase a few more and have them shipped to me in New Jersey, USA?

I would be happy to pay for them in advance by credit card. Would this be possible?

Would you like a picture of the dreidels? I could forward them to you. I assume your gift shop

(which we didn't have time to visit) is the same/similar as the one in the shul. 

Please let me know.

Thank you very much,

Dreidel Dreidel

New Jersey, USA

Happy new year.   my Jewish son born and raised in Los Angeles California has moved to Costa Rica he's just had a son yesterday Friday 13th I would like to have the baby circumcised as a briss I will be arriving in costa Rica July 27 would like to have it right after that date can you advise how to set this up.he lives near jaco, but we can come into San Jose

Thank you in advance for your help

Slice of Life

Los Angeles, California, USA

Hello

 

I hope you are well.

 

I was wondering if you could perhaps assist me with a small matter regarding the Hebrew alphabet.

 

I just wanted to know if the vowels (Nikkud) have a numerical value please. 

I know Aleph is 1, however I'm curious about the rest.

I believe U can be converted into a vav, is that correct?

 

Any information would be GREATLY appreciated.

Hebrew Lesson

Location Unknown

HI, I LIVE IN JERUSALEM, AND I WOULD LIKE TO BE A HAZZAN IN YOUR  SYNAGOGUE FOR PESSACH.

OVER 12 YEARS EXPERIENCE.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHATS GOING ON AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

EMAIL ADDRESS: ineedajob@geemail

CELL: +972-54xxxxxxx,   TEL: +972-2-xxxxxxx

THANKS A LOT.

[16 letters of reference attached]

I Need a Job

Jerusalem, Israel

I wonder if you would be able to recommend a guide for Vilnius, Lithuania, who would be particularly strong in areas of Jewish interest and history.  I plan to be there this August.

Vilnus Guide

Location Unknown

good afternoon, I am hoping that you are able to assist me with my query. Are you able to advise whether a relative was perhaps buried at your cemetery? Date of death: 01.07.1998. thank you in advance for your assistance.

My Private Cemetery

Location Unknown

I am trying to find a copy of the death certificate for Anon Person who was a leader of the Jewish community in Guatemala City, Guatemala until September, 1977, when he died.  He was born in Germany in 1881.  He is the grandfather of my late wife and I am trying to do a family history.  Thank you.

Death Certifcate

Montana, USA

Please help us find our family in Mexico. They lived in Mexico City. Meschel and Rivka (holocaust survivors)-had a son born in Mexico. His name was Benito. He married Rebecca from Guatamala and had at least 2 children. After Benito passed away we lost contact. Please provide any information you may have. We are trying to reconnect. Gracias David D.

Finding Señor Nemo

Mexico City, Mexico

My son and I will be in Guatemala from June 1-8 on a medical mission.  We are both doctors and have volunteered our services with other doctors and nurses to provide medical care where needed in Guatemala.  My son and I would like to attend a Friday night service.  We depart for Detroit Saturday morning.  If your synagogue has Friday night Shabbot services we would certainly love to be there.  Please email the address and we will be able to take a cab from our hotel to the synagogue.  Looking forward to hearing from you. 

Shabbat in Guatemala

Detoit, Michigan, USA

My husband and I are going to Yangon, Burma in a couple of weeks. Could you give us any names of Jewish people that are living there so that maybe we could contact them and go out for dinner with them.

Dinner in Yangon

Toronto, Canada

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